


No Record of Wrongs

by domesticadventures



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, Episode: s10e22 The Prisoner, Gen, Headspace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 02:44:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3961483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/domesticadventures/pseuds/domesticadventures
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s only after things go wrong that Cas realizes he was imagining them going right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Record of Wrongs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [propinquitous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/propinquitous/gifts).



> I tagged this as gen because while there are elements of both deancas and samcas, it isn't meant to be explicitly romantic.
> 
> Based on [Cecilia's wonderful painful post](http://femmechester.tumblr.com/post/119006911892/).

It’s only after things go wrong that Cas realizes he was imagining them going right.

He’s crushed with the weight of the revelation, after. He lies there, unable or unwilling to move; he can’t decide which. He lies there and looks at his pristine blade, his own bloody, distorted reflection staring back at him. He lies there and he thinks, Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is--

He could get up and heal himself, if he wanted. He could remove the blood from his face and his mouth and his clothes, he could make himself look whole and solid. He could make it look like this never happened, say he got here too late, explain away the blood spattered far from the other bodies Dean has left in his wake. He could wipe the slate clean. He should, he knows. He should clean himself up before Sam gets here. It’s only going to upset him, if he doesn’t. It’s only going to make him feel even worse.

He can’t bring himself to do it, though. He lies there bleeding and he doesn’t move. He stays where he is, still and unmoving amongst all of Dean’s discarded things, just another bit of himself Dean has left behind. He thinks, If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love--

He leaves the cuts on his face and the metallic taste in his mouth and the stains on his clothes. He thinks, I’m hurting and I just want someone to be able to see. I want someone to care. I’m hurting and it should matter.

Sam shows up twenty minutes later. He arrives shouting his brother’s name. He walks into the library with his gun raised and Dean’s name on his lips. He says, “Holy shit, Cas.”

Sam doesn’t ask what happened. He doesn’t say, Why didn’t you fight back? He knows. Cas knows he knows.

“Let me help you,” Sam says, and slips an arm behind Cas’ shoulders, drags him up. He leans on Sam’s arm, lets himself be held up. He lets himself be dead weight. Sam can leave his arm there or let him fall, but he leaves his arm there.

“He was going to kill me,” Cas says, “but he didn’t.”

Sam breathes in sharply. His hand clenches where it wraps around Cas’ shoulder. “It might not have been the worst thing,” Cas says. “It might have hurt less than this.” Love does not delight in evil but--

Sam sets down his gun. He wraps his other arm around Cas, too, pulls him in and presses his face into the space between Cas’ neck and shoulder. “I know,” he says. Cas is sure that he does.

Sam squeezes him tighter. Cas knows from the way his breath hitches that Sam is crying, now. Sam’s tears are falling onto his coat, mixing with his blood. Sam’s tears are seeping into his shirt until it’s sitting damp against his skin. He could change that, too, but he doesn’t.

He releases a breath it doesn’t matter that he was holding and it’s only then that he realizes he’s crying, too. He doesn’t think he could change that if he tried.

He grips Sam back and he thinks, Love--

Love never--

 


End file.
